


The Problem with Perverts

by Dragomir, Steph_Schell



Series: Bad Dragon [4]
Category: Revolution (TV)
Genre: Dildos, F/M, M/M, Sex Toys, Toys, m/m relationship, miles might kill bass for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 14:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1748393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragomir/pseuds/Dragomir, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steph_Schell/pseuds/Steph_Schell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Miles killed Bass, it could probably be spun as a public service.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Problem with Perverts

**Author's Note:**

> We're back.

Bass hadn’t really been the same since Shelly and the baby had died. It had been a few years, and Miles knew his friend wasn’t really ever going to move on - not after the second time of having the entirety of his family taken from him. (The most telling part of the depths of Bass’ grief was that he’d gotten rid of all of Shelly’s things, including the evil red dildo, which Jeremy had said was named Vasu.) Bass needed to be cheered up. Preferably without bloodshed.

Which was why Miles had bought him the present that had got him into this mess. It was just supposed to be a cute in joke that no one would ever get except then. Until his current girlfriend, a feisty Latina with a love of explosives named Nora Clayton, stumbled onto it. Actually, onto most of the collection. Her scream could be heard three rooms away.

Miles bolted into the bedroom, gun in hand, looking for the threat. “What’s wrong?”

Nora pointed at the sock drawer she’d opened, mouth opening and closing as she tried to make a sound, eyes wide. Miles’ heart plummeted to the vicinity of his toes as he realized what Nora had probably found in there.

“Wh-wh-wha...is that?” Nora said, voice strained and starting to squeak.

Miles winced. She was much younger than him and Bass and her life lessons were more about survival for her and her sister. Which made the sex great because of all he could teach her but made this exceptionally awkward. “I can explain?”

“Explain what?” Nora half-shrieked. “There’s...there’s this giant cock sitting in your sock drawer! And it’s pink!”

“Nora, this is so not what it looks like,” Miles replied. “I swear to you.”

Nora shook her head. “I know you said you were into guys, and that’s fine, MIles. Really it is. But there’s…it’s pink!”

“I am well aware of it’s color,” Miles nodded, desperately regretting his choice right now. He had the feeling that telling her it was for Bass wouldn’t help him out of the situation, or make it sound like he was foisting the blame for his things onto his friend.

“So what is this? Do you...god, I don’t want to know what you and Bass get up to but does it have to be where I can see it?”

Miles had to count to ten before he could answer. Damn the purple tissue paper. Damn it to the deepest pits of hell. “Well, you weren’t supposed to see it. That’s why it’s in my sock drawer. In a bag. What were you looking for anyways?” He’d figure out why it wasn’t in the bag he’d put it in later.

“Number one, there wasn’t a bag,” Nora retorted. “And number two, I bought some new underwear and I figured you’d be out so I put it in there while my sister visited. I was going to surprise you on our anniversary.”

“There was supposed to be a bag,” Miles insisted. “I swear there was...tell me more about this underwear.”

“Not until we deal with the pink dick.”

“I swear there was a bag,” Miles muttered under his breath, heading over to the sock drawer. “And why didn’t you try for the drawer I put my boxers in instead?”

“You always change your boxers but you rarely change your socks,” she shrugged. She reached into the very back of the sock drawer to pull out her own bag. Miles noticed it was a from a very high end--or as high end as anything got these days--lingerie store.

“Oh, I think I’m going to like what’s in there.”

“You’re assuming I’m going to let you see it.”

“You cannot blue ball me like this.”

“I can and I will.”

“It’s one pink dick.”

“It’s a pink dick. I know you’re into guys, and I’ll agree that Bass has a delicious-looking ass, but that thing is beyond creepy, Miles.” Nora had her arms crossed over her chest and one eyebrow arched, which meant she was either about to walk out or start yelling at him.

Miles just had to go for it and hope he could talk his way out of this one. “It’s for Bass.” Nora opened her mouth and Miles raised his hands. “Hear me out. He’s been really down lately and the two of us have some inside jokes about the place that used to make these things. So I thought I’d get him one to cheer him up.”

Nora stared at him. “You bought your friend a pink dick to make him feel better?”

“Well when you say it like that…”

“Do I want to know how this started?”

Miles gnawed on the corner of his lower lip, wondering how he was going to get around explaining the evil thing that was Clayton to his girlfriend. It was going to end with him sleeping on the couch, that was for sure. “Well… It started a long, long time ago, when Bass had disposable income and the internet.”

“I’m going to hate this, aren’t I?”

“There might be a sex toy named Clayton.” Oh shit. He knew that look. That was the look that said he was going to be sleeping on the couch with broken limbs. “I didn’t buy it,” he said quickly.

“...there’s one named Clayton?” Nora asked slowly, a decidedly sweet smile on her face. “Oh, please, tell me more.” Miles had no idea what his girlfriend was thinking and began inching around so his back was to the door in case he needed to turn around and run away.

“Yep,” Miles answered, repressing the urge to shoot a look over his shoulder to see if he’d left the door open. “Bass bought most of that fucking store. Why don’t you go ask him or Jeremy about it?”

“Because you’re right in front of me.”

“But I never used them,” He replied with his most charming smile. “I alway prefer real people to cheap plastic. Especially when there’s a good looking woman in front of me.”

“Are you trying to flatter me into forgetting the pink dick in your drawer?”

“Maybe. Is it working?”

“Keep trying, Miles,” Nora replied dryly.

“You’re a divine goddess?”

“Getting better.”

Oh, this was going to require the big guns. Well, Miles had faced worse...possibly. “Baby, you are the most incredible, brilliant woman I have ever met,” he said. “Not only that, you have the biggest balls of anyone I ever met. For god sakes do you know how many people would rather wet themselves than talk back to me? And I love that about you. I love that you are not willing to just say yes to me because it’ll make me go away. I am in utter awe of you, Nora Clayton. And I am so glad you are mine.”

“I’m almost over the pink dick.”

“You want words or actions to get you the rest of the way there?”

“Throw that thing at Jeremy or Bass and make them deal with it, and then we can discuss the rest of your penance,” Nora replied with a smile.

“Done and done,” Miles agreed. He kissed her on his way to get the dildo. “You are an amazing woman and I worship the ground you walk on,” he called over his shoulder as he headed to beat his best friends to death with the damned thing.

**Author's Note:**

> This is [Spritz the Sea Dragon](http://bad-dragon.com/products/spritz). He does tricks for goldfish crackers.
> 
> The link is NSFW.


End file.
